Perception, Belief & Other Illousions.....

  What you believe is largely based on your perception, it's all about what you see or what you choose to see.  Your political views your diet, style of dress, choice of friends and on and on and on.  They all depend on your perception.
  Religion is a way in which a large amount of people will come to a shared belief system or perception of life.  Military service is another.  In boot camp you broken down and then build back as a unified team sharing a belief a cause a mission.  So it stands to reason you cannot effect change in your life without adjusting your perception or belief about a particular thing.
  Any time you under therapy they will tell you to correct a problem for example addiction, you must find the underlying cause.  You must identify and challenge old thought patterns in order to do things differently.  To address a problem you must admit that it exists.
  And we choose, we choose what to believe and what to see.  Insanity is defined by doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.  Knowledge is power.  Through knowledge or new information we are able to change our perception and beliefs and act differently.
  If you want a better life, if you need to change something you must see it differently or your behavior and responses will remain the same.  Some of this occurs naturally with maturity.  What appeals to us at twelve is not the same as twenty and definitely not the same at fifty.  Who has not said "if I knew then what I know now"?  There are things that are embedded in us that are keeping us from attaining joy and we need to see them in another light to change them.
  When you first meet someone you may be very taken with them and over time you may notice things that were not initially visible that make you feel differently and you choose to spend less or no time with this person once your opinion of them changes.  So open your eyes to the traits that are causes the sabotage of joy in your life.  Take a good long look you know what it is, face it.  Some old thought process is keeping you stuck and you can't keep and change it won't work.  Expose yourself to the information you need to grow and be who you want to be.  You can't beleive one thing and soo something else......

elle 

Cherish The Love You Have....

  Do not get comfortable.  When your new love works and has you both floating on air it's because you are not comfortable.  You are on your best behavior and you know it.  We fall in love with the reflection of ourselves in someone elses eyes.  it's a mirror that reflects back to us the image we would like to see.  Maybe it's an image we never even thought of but we like it it, correction, we love it and we love the person who shows this to us in their eyes.
  "He thinks I'M GORGEOUS!"  He looks at you as if he is starving man and you are a steak and a beer.  It feels good and you think even more of him.  It just would not do to finally have someone see the beauty you have dreamed of being and not give them value or let them go.  It's why conartists can do what they do. 
  "She thinks I superman."  Yup, finally a woman who not only does not reject you but sees a better you than you ever dreamed of.  So you over look her flaws and focus on everything that's good, oh wait, did I good?  I meant great, yes great; in fact amazing.  So begins the process of falling in love.
  So what the hell happens???  Well, you get comfortable and you take this person who out of all the millions of people in the world this you're something.  You take them for granted.  You begin to feel entitled to this adoration and the their personal value drops in your eyes.  Flaws become at first just visable then down right annoying.  This is the beginning of the end.
  You may even think that you can do better.  There may be someone more perfect who will see you are amazing, after all he or see did, so why not?  Because it's a mistake.  Come on the grass is not greener. 
  Keep the love you have and continue to love the love you keep.  Have gratitude everyday for the love and the comfort that you have.  Remember to compliment not criticize.  To support on tear down.  treasure not trash.  Make time not war.  Give grace don't gripe. Do not compete. Do not begome opponenets.
  Forgive, overlook, forgive....love all you can.  Cherish the love you have.  Love is the key word.  I'm not telling you to hang onto an abusive unhealthy relationship. I'm saying real love that has begun to drindle. Be a friend to stay a lover.

elle  

The Little Things....

  Why can't we just be content?  Why do we expect everyday to be like swimming in a chocolate river, before the limo ride to the circus and returning home by swinging on a star?  It's because we are so over stimulated by the ridiculousness we see and hear everyday that an ordinary day is not ordinary it's bad! A day that is peaceful and calm and safe is an amazing day.  Everyone you love is safe and at peace.  Maybe you found and extra half an hour to read with a cup of tea or call a friend you haven't seen.

  What about being thankful and happy that you had great weather for your commute.  Imagine being absolutely joyful that your day went of off without a hitch, that's it.  No band, no lottery win just a day that you accomplished things that needed to be done and you were able to do them and your world was peaceful. 

  This isn't about lowering your expectations.  This is about assigning happiness to so many more things in your life that have gotten a bad rap for no reason at all. Why can't I look forward to food shopping?  What about being excited to go to work; knowing that I am earning the money I need to take care of my family.  What if you were looking forward to a day doing the yard work you need to do to make your home worth a second look, fresh air, exercise.  Bonus, bonus.  If we found more joy in ordinary things maybe we wouldn't be so let down by the big things, the treats.  It seems to me that this is why New Years eve is always a disappointment and most vacations don't live up to to our bloated and distorted expectations.

  Change your perception.  Be happy with more of what is not what isn't!

 

elle  

Forgiveness Instead Of Anger...

  Forgiveness is the release valve.  When you cannot forgive you are only hurting yourself.  After all if someone has hurt or angered you intentionally and you fester with anger and let it rock your world then you are giving them what they want and you are giving them control.  If it was not intentional then you are wasting your time be angry and upset, all twisted in knots about something they are likely not to be aware of!  

  If you really think about it someone who hurts you intentionally over and over does not belong in your life, never mind your main focus.  And when you rage over someone or something they did you are giving them the floor, silly fool!  We hurt people love sometime let it go! Don't be offended.  I am dedicating a post to that this week because it is so important.  Honestly, most of the time when someone pisses you off they did not mean it. Their perception of the situation or your lack of information or maybe their lack of information has created a misunderstanding that put someone in the position of being hurt or angry. 

  Anger is so debilitating it paralyzes you and distorts your thinking. It raises your blood pressure and screws up your digestion.  It lowers your sex drive and causes pimples and weight gain.  Who or what is that important?!  Let it go....  Sometimes you just have to say "F**k it", you know?  It's up to you what you place priorty and importance on.  

  Get busy, work out, go for a walk, have sex, clean out that nasty closet...read a damn book! be thankful for everything you have.  There's a focal point, not the jerk you work with or your phycotic neighbor!  Hey, my teeth are white, my hair looks great, I make the best brownies around and today no one was hired to piss me off because I decided!

 

elle  

Meant To Be Or Not Meant To Be....?

  Everything happens for a reason, right?  People say it all the time and with my new attitude I have decided to to believe it blindly because I am happier that way. Plus it takes away any responsibility on my part for something that may have gone wrong.  If you can't change it there is no point in pondering it. 
  For years whenever someone said that everything happens for a reason I would respond "really, fine, what is it, because I want to know right the hell now!"  I needed to find the justice, the fair play.  I wanted it to make sense to me.  Justified events good or bad I could accept.  Not justified, and I was irate.  Only nice people, who honestly need the money should win the lottery and only mean, evil people with bad taste, who don't like dogs, who drink moxie should have diseases and bad luck!  This is what I thought and apparently I was wrong.  Real estate moguls  do win the lottery and some very sweet and lovely people are sick, alone, in pain, lonely, sad and destitute.  I am pissed about that still.  No animal or child should ever have to suffer for their innocence. 
  But I have come to know that I may not like it but my view of the big picture distorted or limited and I must accept that all things, good and bad happen whether or not it is fair I need to let it go.  Control the things you can.  So try to keep the evergy positve when you are dealing with someone who is coping with something difficult. Keep your thoughts in check so that you are in a good place.  Most important do not fume and stammer over all that is unjust.  Act positvely to effect change if you can.  When you can't, remember that stewing is just keep you in the frequency with the very things that are ticking you off......    
  The road to peace is paved with acceptence, tolerance and forgiveness ...

elle