Fear.....

  There is nothing worse than being afraid!  Your spine tingles and your stomach becomes a pit. Your mouth is dry and you cannot not focus.  Intense fear can be almost be an out of body experience.  If you have read my other posts you must be thinking that this is off topic for me, but it isn't.
  I believe in all the things I have said, I honestly do. But if I'm being honest there is still fear.  Gratitude is a huge help but let's face it, fear is like a mouse it gets in where it wants to, it's hard to get rid and leaves little pieces of  **** around to let you know it's there.  The things that scare the hell out of us, where do they come from??  Phobia based fears I think, are like parasites that attach to us as we grow.  It's something in how we are raised or some seed out parents planted that has come to grow. 
  But it's the other kind of fear, like fear of death, growing old, disease, loss, aging, poverty.  What do you do with that mess? First and most important is to force yourself to focus and quickly and on something good, anything good.  Oreos, that works for me. Shift off the fear channel as fast as you can. Now start the gratitude and don't stop until the fear subsides.  It can and will return but each time do the same thing.  "Fear not..."  Easier said than done.  The truth is that 70% of the daily things that come up and cause everything from fear to concern never come to pass or turn out to be a blessing in disguise.  The things that do turn are often not as bad as we think.  All I can say stick to the things we have already talked about.  Find something good to focus on.  Focus hard enough to bring the emotion of happiness or at the very least I will settle for calm and so you raise yourself to a more positive plain, use gratitude to stay there.  Imagine and believe that things just have a way of working out for you.  It's just your lot in life to fall in a pile of crap and rise up out of it smelling like a rose.  It works, it really does.....

Meditation Update:  OK, it's not going so well.  If the things I need to do life better are love, gratitude, positive thinking, random acts of kindness and meditation than 4 out of 5 aren't sooo bad.  I'm not giving up I just can't quiet my mind!   My thoughts are like a news reel loop and is pisses me off!  Even positive thoughts are noisy.  Maybe I will just take a break from trying to meditate for awhile it's not going to work if I'm mad at it........ elle

Meditation Day Two

Meditation: Day Two 

 
  Well today went surprisingly well did I constantly fight the word garbage that clogs my head of course I did!  At one point I tried so hard to control my thoughts that my brain rebelled to the point of being Turret Syndrome like, with random, vulgar, nonsense thoughts.  I thought I lost control of my brain to a four year old....(tee-hee) poking me every time I tried to settle it.  But at last there was quiet!  I felt that floating sensation that surrounds you just before sleep comes.  It was nice and made me want more.  More peace, more calm, more nothing! Iit didn't last long before the thought vomit returned but I can clearly see that with a lot of practice it could be a beautiful thing!  I am thankful for a glimpse at self imposed peace.  Why is it so easy to put ourselves in a state of chaos but such a task to find peace??